the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize