I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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