I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
