Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
