For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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