so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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