brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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