No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
