She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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