I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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