god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
