why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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