i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
