her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
