Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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