A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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