I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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