I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
