Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
