He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize