Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
