PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
