my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
