I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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