Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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