I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
