So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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