I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
