he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
