so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
