I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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