I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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