my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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