I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
