My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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