i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Im part way to drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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