normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
