so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
