She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
