what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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