You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
