Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
two words...techno handjob
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
