I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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