my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He? As in you personified your dick?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
