i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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