I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
