Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
