last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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