Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize