sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
