Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
