Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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