Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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