I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
