I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
