My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
operation have a gay friend backfired
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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