Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
