Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
