I heard we made out
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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