considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
