I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
