3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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