I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
