Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
