Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize