I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize