You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
